


What He Remembers

by RedFrills



Category: DC Universe
Genre: Angst, Immortality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-01
Updated: 2011-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-16 01:03:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedFrills/pseuds/RedFrills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kal-El is lost in a world he has no place in, so he escapes to a place he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Remembers

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So I know Superman’s not really immortal, but I always that that would be a good arc. Anyway, I did it in a weird format, please ignore my horrid punctuation. (Is that possible?)  
> Kisses and hugs and stuff.

What He Remembers

 

When you live forever, how do you _live?_

 

How does a person stand _remembering?_

 

Kal couldn’t not when his mind wouldn’t let him forget.

 

So all he does is _recall._

 

Loses himself in everything he once loved.

 

He thinks of Kansas summers, and of a warm bright _sun._

 

Of Ma and Pa, and of Smallville.

 

 _“Now son,”_ Pa would say, _“Life is a gift. So live it.”_

 

Ma was just as bad, _“Your father’s right, this time.”_

 

Kal wants to scream at them now,

 

 **  
_“How does a person live a life alone?”_   
**

 

He thinks of smiling faces, and of friends.

 

Of Jimmy who was always grinning, wonderful, vibrant Jimmy.

 

With his camera going, _click, click, click._

 

 _“Hey CK,”_ Jimmy would say, _“Lois is a little cranky; you might have to take the reins today.”_

 

Oh Lois.

 

Gorgeous, spirited, and grumpy.

 

 _“How many es in ambivalent?”_

 

 **  
_“One Lois.”_   
**

 

He thinks of J’onn. Forever lonely, and now he knows _why._

 

He’s become what J’onn _was._

 

Lost in time, watching a family you can never completely give yourself too.

 

How you lose them.

 

J’onn tried to tell Kal once,

 

 _“Kal-El, the loneliness, It will eat you, it’s what’s killing me.”_

 

 **  
_“You were right J’onn._   
**   
**  
_It was killing you, because now you’re gone.”_   
**

 

He thinks of Diana, of her _love._

 

 _“I don’t understand man’s world. They are filled with so much hate.”_

 

 **  
_“Yes, Diana they are.”_   
**

 

 _“But there is also love here, and Kal. It’s beautiful.”_

 

 **  
_“Yes, Diana it is.”_   
**

 

She could be here with him, but she chose Steve.

 

Over immortality.

 

If he’d been given a choice, he would’ve chosen _death._

 

Then there’s Conner.

 

Conner, Kal’s beautiful, strong, amazing, miracle.

 

 _“Dad, uh, I mean Clark.”_

 _“ **No Conner, I would prefer Dad.”**_

 _“Really? Okay, Dad.”_

Then he was _gone._

 

 **  
_“My son is dead.”_   
**

 

Dead because of a _man_ with whom he once shared a _destiny._

 

 **  
_“But I can’t blame Lex. I can however blame myself.”_   
**

 

And god, the guilt feels good, doesn’t it?

 

Because guilt is something besides the resounding _alone._

 

But if Kal’s thinking of love, then he has to think of Bruce.

 

Oh, Bruce.

 

Wonderful, dark, hurting, and loving.

 

No one loved like Bruce.

 

 _“Dick is getting married._   
_To that ex-druggie, single parent, Oliver Queen raised scum.”_

 

 **  
_“But they love each other Bruce, and Ollie loves Roy, just like you love Dick.”_   
**

 

 _“I don’t know what to do Clark. Dick is my son.”_

 

 **  
_“Love him Bruce, because you can’t stop them. Just accept them.”_   
**

 

Bruce with his clever mind, and even trickier hands.

 

Kal misses the kisses and the touches.

 

What he misses most was the _struggle._

 

How hard it was to get Bruce to accept what they _were._

 

 _“I don’t have time for romance Clark.”_

 

 **  
_“What about love Bruce? Everybody has time for love.”_   
**

 

But Bruce had time when they _noticed._

 

When Bruce had frown lines, and peppered hair.

 

Kal was still fresh, and looked so _young._

 

 _“I’m dying Clark. Getting older.”_

 

 **  
_“Yes.”_   
**

**  
  
**

_"Oh god, Clark. You're not just aging slowly."_

 **  
_"No Bruce."_   
**

**  
  
**

_"I'm sorry Clark, I'm so sorry. Whatever time I have left **take it."**_

 

 **  
_"Thank you."_   
**

 

So Clark took Bruce's time, and it will never be _enough._

 

Because Bruce still _left._

 

And Kal is _alone._

 

 _“Clark, do you regret it? Loving mortals?”_

 **  
  
**

**  
_“No Bruce, the proper term is hate.”_   
**

**  
  
**

**  
_“I hate loving you.”_   
**

 

 _“I love you Clark so much.”_

 

 **  
_“I love you too Bruce, so much it hurts.”_   
**

 

 _“Time to say goodbye.”_

 

 **  
_“For you maybe. Not for me."_   
**

 

 _“God Clark it hurts, please.”_

 

 **  
_“I know Bruce, mortality hurts.”_   
**

 

The thing about remembering _life,_ is you remember the _death._

 

A _cycle_ that goes _hand in hand._

 

So Kal remembers _love._

 

The overwhelming _joy_ that follows.

 

Then the overwhelming _grief._

 

Because Kal can never say _goodbye._

 

He can just wait, and hope that mortality catches up to him.

 


End file.
